Humble pie. It is never a selection of choice on the menu of life. We are usually served it. I ate a big piece today and what might have been bitter was sweet. A few days ago I had a misunderstanding that I realize now was created by my failure to live by the principles I try so hard to bring awareness to.
Instead of focusing on the end goal of a project I am working on, I allowed myself to become focused on obstacles that were on my radar; obstacles that appeared to be blocking my ability to move forward. Focusing on obstacles and adopting an attitude of fear and worry about issues out of my control, resulted in my being blinded to the truth. I created a mountain of misunderstanding and woe with someone I deeply love and care about. In the heat of emotion, I was completely unaware of the damage I was creating.
Today, after much prayer and meditation, and a phone call from another partner in the project, I received a shower of divine clarity. As the realization hit, I was shocked and stunned at the mess I had made from thinking and believing that the project was unraveling. I couldn't have been further from the truth. How amazing it is that when our focus is locked on obstacles, (the antithesis of what we are trying to accomplish), we lose our compass and end up where we never expected to go.
With this clarity, I was able to admit fault and ask for forgiveness. I don't know if it will repair the damage I caused. I hope it does. I can only rely on God now to do the rest because I've done all I know how to at this point. If I have more epiphanies regarding how to move forward I'm committed to acting on those insights.
Acknowledging fault was painful. I was ashamed and embarrassed. But recognizing my mistakes, and taking steps as best I know how to repair them, at the very least, brought a sweetness of peace I haven't felt in days.
I'm glad you have found peace with this. When I have been in a situation where I am angry with someone, like my husband, over something they did,it is a natural reaction to feel angry or any number of negative emotions. I have taught myself to take a step back and pay attention. Like with my husband, maybe he did something and it bothered me, but I know that he really loves me and isn't doing this to intentially be mean. So I just walked away, let myself feel the anger, and kept reminding myself that this would pass and then reinforced what I really believe, which is that he really loves me and never wants to hurt me and that no matter what happens to me, I'm the one who chooses wether I am happy or not. Soon after my husband came to me and appologized and gave me a hug. When it was something I had done, I did my best to apologize and make amends and I then had to allow him the time and space to come to forgiving me when he was ready. I think a mistake that is often made in the forgiveness process, is after we have made amends to the best of our ability, we tend to rake ourselves over the coals. We should let them know that we are sorry, to help them come to forgiving, but we should not keep trying to make amends again and again. Once we have made amends the rest is in the other persons hands and we just have to accept their decision with love and patience.
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